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Why Older Women Should Be Banned from Blogging

February 11, 2013

If Erma Bombeck were alive today would she be blogging? God, I hope not.

You would think that women over 50 discovered everything there is to know about life, motherhood and  relationships, and are hell-bent on cramming that knowledge down our throats on a regular basis via blogging. But why?

The world has changed so much since Madonna was a virgin. But for some strange reason women of her generation must virtually pull the world to their bosom and then sit the down for “the talk.”  It’s not necessarily “the talk”, it’s really a talk about everything, aging, how not to age,  feminism, singleism (after 45 no one really cares if you’re single except you and your mother), and Hillary, Hillary, Hillary.

Youth isn’t wasted on the young. We’re young. We’ve got plenty of time to figure it all out. But somebody (older women bloggers) want to tell help us avoid the pits they fell into. Hey, falling into the pis is half the fun. Crawling out of the pit is the other half.  Yes, we know you were discriminated against. Yes, we know you did not make what men made for the same work. Yes, we know you were sexually harassed on the job. Yes, we know you could only get so far before you hit that damn glass ceiling that Hillary put all those cracks in. And yes, we know during another era they probably would have made the black woman sweep up the glass that fell from the glass ceiling.

But that’s all over now. Didn’t you see how many female senators were elected to the U.S. Congress last fall? Two of the debates during the 2012 presidential election were moderated by women, old women but still . . . . Plus, your beloved Hillary may even run for POTUS in 2016.  My God what more do you old women want?

We’re sorry but us young women don’t have time to read your advice, your insights, your horror stories about life before diaper services or nannies. If we want to know what life was like in the old days, we’ll watch “Sex and the City.”  When we need real advice, we just watch “Girls” on HBO.  I mean that Lena Dunham knows what it’s all about. She’s nearly 27.

We truly have nothing against women over 50. There are some really fabulous women in your generation, there’s uh, Katie Couric and um, um, and that women’s lib woman, Gloria somebody. We realize that the women of your era have made sacrifices and opened doors for previous generations, and thankfully banned those hideous polyester pantsuits that grandma used to wear.  We also think it is wonderful that you have embraced technology and are using it correctly unlike grandma who doesn’t know whether she’s getting a text or a phone call.

However, if you never blogged about anything else, we would be okay. Stop trying to open our eyes. We don’t need your advice. We don’t need your wisdom. That’s what Google and Wikipedia are for.

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4 Comments
  1. “The world has changed so much since Madonna was a virgin.” I think that line is absolutely hilarious!

    If I weren’t so mature and enlightened, I might have taken offense to everything from the title on. Thankfully, in my 51 years, I have grown wise – I can have patience with the impertinence of youth.

    Who am I kidding…when I read this, I wanted to beat the next 20-year old I saw with a stick. (Joke!!!)

    I loved this.

  2. I loved the sharp wit to it. read with a slight edge. It begs the question, “what is considered ‘old” anyway?” Should everyone over 40 just stay away from technology? It’s got a great scarastic bent to it. I really enjoyed reading it

  3. Thanks. Appreciate the comments.

  4. Enjoyable Sistah,

    With the Devil’s Advocate I want to get you comfortable with first drafts. Don’t worry about making it perfect the first time. Write to think. Write to say one idea fifteen ways until you get the best expression possible. Write to explore your subject and look at all sides of an argument. Then go back and pull out the best parts or concentrate on a better idea you came across halfway through the first.

    Great theses grow in wild writing.

    If you get a chance, look at Jasper Parks’ piece on the electric car. He breaks down the arguments against the electric car paragraph by paragraph. He could only write such a logical piece by understanding all of the arguments against the car in advance. His is not a Devil’s Advocate; it is the product of arguing like the Devil’s Advocate.

    I get all kinds of responses from the Devil’s Advocate assignment. Some students are so convinced by their side of an argument, they can only argue for the opposition sarcastically and put up a disclaimer. Other students argue so empathetically for the other side that they come away changed, though that is rare. The better you understand the naysayers, the better you answer them, and possibly even change their minds. If you shake up your own mind too, all the better.

    I also get satire and this piece is fun satire. The lines about Madonna and Lena Dunham are sharp. You try every angle. Now I would go back and tighten up the longer paragraphs and reorganize your paragraphs based on your ideas. If you say the same idea a few different ways, then take the best way and throw out the rest.

    Also, watch your punctuation, grammar and spelling.

    Hey, falling into the pis is half the fun

    By not proofreading your work, you lose most of your audience. This is a great Devil’s Advocate because it is a wild first draft. Now clean it up.

    Good work,
    Bob

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